I am Scared...... Because I am a Woman!!!!

With the most heinous rape incident last year, all papers/news channels were spilling blood and hatred all over the place. It's so difficult to live a normal life as you see, read or hear people talking about it all the time. I didn't want to talk, comment, discuss or even write about it but I am so disturbed and shattered, that mere words can't express. Thinking about it gives me those goosebumps that I can’t hide and my heart cries for the unfortunate girl, her poor friend and family. I am so . I don't know what to hate more “the rapist" or my existence?


I must say this event definitely saw a commendable spirit shown by Delhiites..... Finally. Thank you all for the support you guys showed and didn't let this issue go by. Those processions and questions raised really helped us to prove our point. Even if that girl is not with us anymore, I really don't want this issue to settle down. Even if we all know, even if we claim we have freedom, but the bitter truth is that we are still not safe…. ..Not at home and definitely not outside. I sincerely feel we need to combat such terrorism at home first............


I am sure “Nirbhaya” as people popularly call her, thought it would be safer to get on the bus or something before she is shot (I would rather say hunted) by some goons or a political party workers. She would have thought it would be alright and she is safe as she is with a guy and not alone. But I guess little did she know about her fate that this will be worse. I don't know what to conclude from all this that I am not safe? It’s not safe to step out of my house even when I am accompanied by my parents, my husband, my brother and my friends. Does this incident also imply that I am a threat to them as well? So now when I step out in Delhi, should I be worried about my safety or theirs. It all sounds like I have finally become a burden to my family and friends. Does that also mean we should all say yes to female infanticide, as we refuse to take responsibility? I guess it will be easier for that innocent child to die in a day than die worrying every time she steps out all her life…….


Every daughter is special to her parents as she is their joy and pride. A mentor and a friend to her brother, a companion and a support pillar to her husband, a mother (everything) to her children. Then why is all this happening? Believe me I am going crazy looking for answers but I just can't find any. Even if I think the rapists involved had some psychological issue, were emotionally unstable or mentally derailed, even then how could all the 7 people traveling in that bus think alike? What is it that made them so inhuman that they thought it could be a fun activity? How could they sleep at night, had they turned in to some stone monsters as they couldn’t hear her pleads, her screams, and see her tears……...



How will they ever look into the eyes of their mother who gave them this life, their wives who confided and believed in them, their sons for whom they are the role models, and last but not the least their daughters???? What will they tell them, stay away from me because I can't stop myself or I will kill you because there are many people like me out there? When I think about all these questions, my mind goes insane..... I can't think of one good reason to do what they did.........


It was a jolly time for our dear politicians, religious leaders and everyone who can speak because our dear media with surely pick it up even if its crap. You qualification or degree doesn't matter, as they will talk rubbish anyways. They have to say something just for the sake of commenting or to strike a controversy. Oh yes! It’s only to get back in limelight, because everything is always about limelight.

And obviously there is a blame game and the list is endless, influence of western culture, intolerance levels, no respect for life, Bollywood,........ Oh yeah! I said Bollywood, you might not agree but that is a major source of influence in India. Thanks to Bollywood for the “objectification” of women....... So all men see is a “Munni” or “Sheela” in every woman they see. They have treated women with anything but respect. All the jaw dropping sequences with nothing left to imagination, I am sure men would see every female around them like that. It reminds me of the movie "Madagascar", when Alex sees everyone around as a piece of meat...... Yes that is what we wo-men have become - a piece of meat.

We all talk about equality but still talk about special treatment, why? Why is it that we still have to prove ourselves at every point that we want equality not specialty? What is it that when a female is doing well in her career, we say "must be sleeping with the boss" and when she cannot perform we say "women cannot concentrate because they constantly think about home and family"? Even if we all received the same education, same principles, but we still choose to make such silly comments. Why????



I could pour all my heart out and write endlessly about all the reasons and solutions but there is no point. All I want to do is to make a sincere request to all men out there. Please stop all this if not for me, stop it for your mother, wife and daughters, because it’s only up to you to make this place a better place for your loved ones. So that women like me don't have to be scared just because “I am a woman”. And to all the women out there, please learn to stand up for yourself. Be strong and say no to abuse, whether it is at home, your workplace, out on the road, or anywhere else. I am really looking forward to a rape-free India; I hope it happens in my lifetime, so that I can die peacefully without worrying constantly for future generations to come.


Hope is all I have.......

2012 - A Year of Wedding!!!!

As we welcome the New Year, it’s time for a recap. The year began with loads and loads of shopping, planning and more shopping for my upcoming wedding in April. I was going crazy with all the shopping. Shopping all week, weekend, in Mumbai, in Pune and everywhere I went. And the to-do list went on and on, actually felt as if the things to buy will never end. I am crazy about sarees, but still how many can you buy. Its so tricky, because you want the right color, a perfect pattern and style. Believe me its very tiresome and getting these things ready is the next ordeal as the innumerous visits to the tailor will make you insane. And if your luck is bad enough then he will for sure ruin the best buy you have. Being a control freak and super-organized, I had picked colors and patterns for all the wedding occasions. I wanted a magenta bandhani (lehariya) for my first pre-wedding function (Devgon as we call it), perfect temple bordered southern silk in green for my mehendi (Menziraat) and obviously that perfect traditional red for my wedding. I know it sounds crazy, but I was so sure about the colors and patterns that I had a tough time looking for all these. And obviously you can imagine what all did the people with whom I shopped went through. Phewwwww!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you everyone for all the help and support during the shopping spree and the pre-wedding jitters I had. Believe me it’s a stressful time for the bride….. There is something about wedding that makes you go crazy and all you want to do is splurge, you want to buy everything that you have always or never wanted to buy; from super-glittery to that perfect red and golden that it’s super obsessive. I am sure guys will not understand, but it is the truth. I spend one whole day looking for a golden sandal and my poor brother was like “it’s just golden???? How many shades of golden exist?” Well, there are many :P

My Big Fat Kashmiri Wedding is an event that i will remember for the rest of my life. So it had to be just perfect and splendid. Mom and dad’s super organizing skills always amaze me. They had taken care of each and everything. It doesn’t matter whether you have finished your shopping a day or moths before the wedding. Everything goes well at the end. Amidst of all the happiness (halla-gulla), there was something that I was missing. A warm smile on that wrinkled face, a touch that makes you feel blessed…. obviously missed my grandmothers. Both of them were so looking forward to see me as a bride. If I could turn back time and do one thing right it would be to bring her back. Even with all the blessings I got from everyone at home I still wanted her blessings. I wanted to look into her eyes and hold on to her tightly and tell her that I will miss my childhood, my home, my parents, crazy days with my brother but I will miss you the most.

With these thoughts I left, didn’t know how things will go from there on. A rush of mixed feelings of being happy and sad at the same time, but that is life and I was ready to begin the next phase of life. Next on the list was obviously “Honeymoon” – our dream destination was set. We so wanted to spend our honeymoon in the most romantic cities of Paris, Venice and Rome, and Vivek did everything possible to get it they way we wanted to. He left no stone unturned to get us the visa (with all the last minute dramas), and I am so thankful to him for not giving up. As it was surely the time of our lives, perfect weather, perfect place and the perfect us.

Beginning of a new relationship has an exquisiteness of its own. Even if you know someone for eternity, marriage definitely brings in a new feeling of love and respect towards each other. It’s a feeling that you belong to each other and the world around you turns perfect. As you take your first steps as a married couple, you want to make this relationship so beautiful as if the world will end tomorrow. It’s those little things that you do for each other, just to see those twinkly eyes and that 100 watt smile, makes this relationship so special. The first’s in everything after marriage like your first birthday, all the festivals, functions and all the trips home. It’s a superb feeling of being complete.

We belong to different cultures and obviously follow different traditions but its fun to spice things up, taking in all the good and fun things from each others traditions. So we have all the functions with our twist of traditions. This was our first Diwali at home as a married couple so it had to be special. It was a new tradition for me, so everything was new and different from what I have been doing. But there is nothing like spending time with your family. If you are among the lucky ones, your new family will make you feel so welcome, that you don’t even feel as if you weren’t a part of this family. I know it sounds strange but thats how exactly how I felt. It’s interesting to see how we adopt new traditions and make a foundation for our future generations that are yet to come.

What else? hmmm.... yeah, how can I miss writing about work? Work wise, I was crazily busy with one of the biggest projects of my career. So you can imagine, days and nights in the meeting room, unending discussions and late nights in office. Those silly discussions over the choice of words, ego clashes between team members, different perspectives of all the people you work with and so many other things. Working with foreign clients can be difficult, just communicating what exactly we did sometimes makes you go crazy........... as we believe in complicating things and they believe in keeping things simple. Its purely a matter of perception. Those heated arguments within your team when you actually feel like hitting someone but finally agree to disagree and work on everyone’s feedback. Those endless discussions about what is the perfect way to go about the whole project? But whatever it is, on the day of final delivery when all goes well… it gives you a sense of accomplishment and proud that you have done a good job.The good thing about such projects is that you realise 'patience is the key' and you have to let go of certain things. Don't let anybody walk away with your wall of fame and never get upset when idiots who don't do anything are applauded....... Because they are definitely not worth thinking about.

This year has a special place in my heart, not only because I married the one I love but also because it was the year when most of my best friends got married. It seemed like a wild fire of weddings coming through as if I was a holding on to something and once I got married I cleared the way for so many people in my life. Starting with my best friends Saurabh and Amit…… the fire went on to Deepti, Suman and now next year Christeena’s wedding. Can you believe that? Lucky Me ;)

This year we also started a tadition of road trips. Two wonderful road trips with friends. One to Kaas - The Valley of Flowers" with Saurabh and Bhakti and the other one.... back to "Sawantwadi" with Ritu and Yogesh. A wonderful time with friends and I sincerely hope we have more fun times like these this year.

Life is good but its not always rosy. We have our share of worries and challenges all along. Balancing so many things to get that perfect balance of work and family. Questions at every step, decisions that you have never taken before. But with your spouse by your side, no matter how tough life gets, no matter how things go wrong…… you will surely bounce back. Just the way we promise each other in our wedding vows. I am so looking forward to see what lies for us in this year and many more years to come..

Happy New Year 2013!!!!