BIG thing called Marriage!!!!!!!!!

This blog is dedicated to all the females who are “Single and not ready to Mingle” (no offense to you guys)

Why the hell is marriage important? Why is it that I can’t be “ME”? Why leave everything for someone? Will he ever realize what all I have left? I never understood why people marry? I always opposed the idea of marriage. I just feel, why be miserable when you are happy. Why does the society mean so much? Society (as the dictionary defines is an organized group of people associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes). I have seen people do things just because “log kya kahege”. I don’t know a single female who is happy being married. The struggle of coming up to the level (society decided for you) goes on and on. It starts from the day you are born. You are supposed to study well, behave well, dress well, talk well, eat well, and grow well. ‘How well’ is this “WELL”, is decided by our society.

Life is so unpredictable these days. Earlier marriage were made in heaven and there was a happily ever after. But in today’s world of fast life, and when everyone is independent, financially as well as emotionally, its difficult getting along. Women around me are independent, brilliant in their fields but does that mean she will go home after work and rest? The answer is “NO”, she has her duties as a mother, wife, and daughter-in-law; and believe me our society won’t even give her permission to complain or think otherwise. On top of that, no matter how much she works for the family, they will still fall short of her services. She will never be able to reach up to their expectations.

Females are far more stronger than men, but her strengths were always overlooked, just because she was an “emotional fool”. Her respect for the ones she loved was mistaken as her weakness. Her forgiving attitude was considered as her idiocy. That’s how there were no divorces, no fights, as the fairer sex was fairly kind. But as the women’s liberation began, things changed. That so-called weak female came back with vengeance and attacked the age old “male chauvinism”. So many people worked for equality rights, uplifting of women in the past and the irony is most of them were men. But alas, men still can’t take equal rights. Why the hell did you give her the right, when you were not comfortable? Pretending that you are happy the way females are progressing but still are offended by her confidence and new found freedom. For God sake, stop making her life hell.........

“Jai Bhawani, Jai Shivaji, Jai Maharashtra…”

“Pune” – one of my favorite places. It was love at first sight :). It got me a sense of freedom, independence and responsibility. There are many things for falling in love with this place. Form eating joints, movie theaters, sight-seeing places, safer place for females, great shopping place (for I am a shopping freak), it offers everything you can ask for. It has all types of cuisines from kashmiri “wazwan” to typical southindian. The best part is that it offers everything for everyone in the crowd, from large college crowd to families. You talk about movies, and this place has loads of multiplexes and theaters. Plus you have to stand for the national anthem before movie starts in any theatre here . isn’t it awesome? Do you remember the last time you sang one? I bet you won’t have sung it anytime after school. Puneites have a great spirit of festivity; they celebrate everything here with full enthusiasm. They are so full of life whether its Ganpati, Durga Puja or any other festival. Every occasion is accompanied by colors, loud music, people dancing all the way, its an marvelous sight. Sunday is a family time for all here. You will see restaurants flooded with people. Student go out because all the hostel messes are closed, people go out because moms have a day off from kitchen. It’s so good to see older people enjoying themselves, having food, deserts and gossiping with all family members. What can make them happier than sharing a meal with the whole family and adoring grand children? You can see their happy glittering eyes. I applaud puneities for showing such a sensible and responsible behavior.

“Maharastrians” – extremely humble and decent people with a great love for their motherland and culture. My classmates in college used to get dabbas (tiffins) for I was an OMS (Outside Maharashtra State) student and came from so far. Only thing I was sad about being in Maharashtra was the food, it was so different from what I ate. But the homely gesture showed by my maharastrian friends made things easy for me. In a latest incident, one of my friends joined IIT Bombay. He has been to almost 3 IIT’s, so when I asked him which his favorite is, he immediately replied – “IIT Bombay”. And all I heard was more praises for maharashtrains. All I did was smile – for there was another admirer of Maharashtra. This place has some charm, some attraction, a great pull – greater than the gravitational pull of earth :). No matter how much you deny, once you live here, you will always want to come back and settle here.

My OMS friends always complained about the bias nature of maharashtrains. They were so anti-maharashtrians and called them “Ghaatis” (meaning brainless, I guess). No matter how much I tried to convince them. As the local crowd here believed we (OMS) were hunting down their seats as well as jobs in engineering and other fields. It’s not that I have not seen any biased attitude of maharastrians. Once I joined my college, I was elected as the class CR (Class Representative). My Class in-charge called me and started talking to me in Marathi, I interrupted and said “sir, I don’t know marathi”. He was hell shocked and he asked me “What! You are not maharashtrian, how can you rule maharastrians?” I was hell shocked and didn’t know what to say. But being forthright I just said “sir there is nothing like ruling as I was elected plus Britishers came to India for the first time and ruled here for like 50 years”. I was so much at peace; I just smiled and went back. From that day he never said anything “maharashtrian” to me, for I was a good student and I gave him no reasons to complain. Till date I wonder, how could I do that, how could I talk to some professor like that? Looks like my pressure safety relief valve had just failed, for I am just too short-tempered.

My parents and my schooling had taught me well about other cultures. So my foundation was quite strong, I always believed in respecting other cultures (whether you like it or not). Culture is a mirror image of a person, how he has been brought up, his surroundings, convictions, ideas, set of principles.. So in order to know someone, you will first have to be friends with the mirror image. May father always told me, “people will always love you, if you respect their culture” and believe me it’s so true. I am happy that I well-timed use of my father’s experience as it made my life so easy. Till date I have never had settling problems anywhere I went; whether it was as backward as “Kanpur” or conservative South India (Kerala, Tamil Nadu or Andhra) or too modern like Delhi, some parts of Lucknow and my first love “Pune”. I don’t know what’s in this place that keeps you attracted to it. Even after spending 3 years in Delhi, I was so very much interested to come back to Pune. And lady luck smiled on me when I got my job here. Sometimes your luck/ destiny bedazzles you.

Jai Maharashtra……………

My Loud and Sweet India :)

My life has been exciting with the kind of places I have been - J&K, Punjab, Delhi, UP, Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu, and Kerala. For all that traveling, I have friends all over the places (implying I have at least one friend from each state). I have always been fascinated by people from different lands, customs, cultures, ethics etc. I love exploring people, their minds, dreams, beliefs, ideas…. It’s fun being a part in knowing different cultures. In India, marriages are the best way to learn about other cultures. You will definitely feel you don’t belong here, but it’s still fun to witness one. I was lucky to see a Christian wedding in Nagercoli (of one of my IIT friends). It was an unusual wedding for me, not because it was a Christian wedding but because it was an “Indianised – Christian wedding”. They exchanged rings but they also had “mangalsutra”. One attention-grabbing feature was that the rings as well as the mangalsutra had the name of the bride and the groom on them. I was so shocked to see that, but I guess this is how we Indians like to make things suit to our likings.

As far as weddings are concerned, it’s the best time for our ladies, as they “dress to kill” – it has literal meaning. They will be in their top sarees and the finest of jewelry they possess. The showcased jewelry attracts everyone (people you want and you don’t want to get attracted). There is no recession time for marriages in India. In spite of gold prices soaring high up to meet the sky; you will still find jewelers having a lot of business, for marriages are a “big deal” here. You will see the brides being clad with all the jewelry her family and in-laws have. But she never gets to wear it again after her wedding; it goes from one bank locker to another. Indians don’t believe in “small and elegant” even in jewelries; they have to be big and huge.

Same thing goes for celebrations like birthdays. In the Indian culture birthdays are mostly to do with pujas and offerings to the poor. But to ape the west, we have birthday parties, cakes etc. The idea of pomp and show is the essence of being an Indian. We are loud by nature, we like things BIG, flashy and colorful. It’s what we Indians are – bright and loud. Our festivals are also about colors and foods. We are crazy about sweets. Every Indian has a sweet tooth – no festival in India is sweetless. Even when this country has maximum no. of diabetic patients, we still have sugar-free sweets. It’s not only us but our Gods also prefer sweets.

Festivals like holi, diwali, ganpati, durga puja – colorful and loud. No worry about pollution or contamination of water bodies. All we care about is to have fun. People here “live to eat” they never “eat to live”. Being rich or poor doesn’t matter for celebrations. Everyone here has the same idea of celebration – new clothes, some puja, and lot of colors, food (especially sweets), music and dance. So here we go…….dancing and singing all the way long even if our country is bleeding with terrorism, militancy, dirty politics and the list goes on and on………….

Bits and Pieces of my Life!!!

My family migrated from Kashmir to Jammu and I did my schooling from Army school. The best school to satisfy my inquisitive soul, as I was already going through a cultural shift. I wondered why all people can’t speak “kashmiri”; instead they all spoke different languages. That was the best phase of my life – a confused child with so much to learn all by herself. Almost everyone around me was from army, air force or navy so no one stayed in the school for more than 3 years. So before you could get too close to a friend, it was time for him to say bye. Hence, I had new friends every year. School was full of friends, fun, studies, sports and Co-curricular activities. I learnt so much in school and I was fully prepared to go far and pursue higher studies.

I came to Pune for my engineering, it was known as the “Oxford of the East” so I was bound to be excited to come here and pursue my education. I always wanted to be an engineer esp. in unconventional fields like aeronautics, mechanical etc., but my dad (greatest critic in my family) was against my idea to do so, as his dream for me was to be a computer/electronics engineer with definitely MBA (finance). But being a rebel I just wanted to do something different so as “to stand out from the sheep”. Hence, I decided upon chemical engineering (truly unconventional). Its strange how we never come up to our parent’s expectations, no matter even if you are doing better than what they expected they will still feel “you should have done that way”. During my engineering, I was so happy studying all I ever wanted to … fluid dynamics (my first love), heat transfer, mass transfer, designing, reaction engineering, thermodynamics…… but my dad was not happy as the girl was going all the way in her ways. I so wanted to study further in the same field so like everyone I decided to go for GRE and all. But things changed when I did summer training in a research lab. The scientist I was working with told me to give GATE a shot and go for IIT’s. It was a tough challenge but I managed to get through.

Finally, all my dreams came true as I entered the campus of IIT Delhi, it was so wonderful. Life is IIT was great overall. It had grilling, fun, movies, walks, rendezvous, house dinner, open house and so on and on. My lab was my new home. My guide was the most enthusiastic guy I have ever seen I my life. He was 24x7 willing to work. He knew no day - no night, all he was capable of is to think about the project. The best lesson I learnt from my guide was not only how to work. But he made me realize that any kind of work is not stupid and you should always be ready to learn things from everyone around you. That means – you should leave your ego way beyond and learn from anyone, even if he is not qualified with loads of degrees, but he may be good because of his experience. For he was the professor of chemical engineering with huge list of qualifications and achievements, in one of the best IIT’s (a 10 pointer all throughout) who would have been brighter than him, but he was never ashamed to ask the silliest of questions to the technicians, lab assistants etc. And I truthfully agree with him, who knows more about balloons than the balloon seller……. Then I realized what he said was right, way back in college our lab assistant was smarter than the professors I remember us calling him Dr. Jagtap (for that guy was not even a B.Sc.), but he was brilliant with chemical phenomenon, instruments etc. So from then on I have made it what you call as guru mantra “if you want to learn, leave your ego” and believe me it really works well esp. if you are in research. I don’t want to stop writing about it but in a nutshell, it was an experience worth the sweat.

How “India” Works?

Traveling has been my passion……… I have traveled across the length of the country. Born in the beautiful valley of Kashmir, and traveled all the way down south to Kanayakumari. It’s brilliant to see the extreme ends of this country “India”. Diversity is at its best here, the best example being that on one hand we have reached the moon with “Chandrayaan” but still we use bulls for ploughing in the fields like the ancient times. Can you believe it? My favorite type of traveling is train esp. a long route train. As you can see how cultures, eating habits, languages change. Every station where the train stops has different story, all the famous and best items from that place you will find the hawkers selling it. And they sell it to everyone, no matter whether he is a Hindu, Muslim, Sikh or Christian…. All they care about is earning their bread. Paramount thing is when people come and sing popular songs from Bollywood movies with their “instruments” (usually a pair of flat stones), and it’s amazing how they do it. Once I asked a female (her voice was exceptionally melodious) “do you know what the song means”, she smiled and said I don’t know but I can earn some money. It’s brilliant “how this country works”. Every one you meet from the pantry boy, hawkers, cleaners, beggars to the people sitting next to you always have interesting stories about how they came here, some true and some manipulated just to gain sympathy. No one is ever contented with what they have; I guess it’s in the human nature. Even if God showers all the happiness he has on you, you will still find ways to be upset about many things that didn’t work.
In the same country you have places like Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore, Hyderabad, etc. so advanced and ahead of time, but there are also some backward places like Bihar, UP, Rajasthan, etc. The diversity is not only in the form of language, culture but also education, male female ratio, female infanticide, etc. No matter how much this country excels, these things will never change. No matter if we have 33% women reservation and special cells for gender equality it doesn’t happen here. The age old legacy of “male chauvinism” is still being followed here. No matter how much fathers love their daughters but still she is considered a burden. Moreover, most popular T.V. serials are all on the torturous lives of women (it’s a vicious circle). I am not a big T.V. fan, but I have seen people going crazy with such serials. People adjust their daily routine so that they don’t miss an episode. “This is a country where kissing is a crime but pissing is a holy act” – says Osho in one of his books. Sad but it’s so very true. Our country is funny in that sense. Many times they will fight for equal rights and at the same time questions will be raised if you are not following the so called “society”. It still bedazzles me how can “society” be important than some one’s life, happiness, grief, celebration…. But this is how India works. Do you remember how political leaders reacted when IPL introduced cheer leaders? They all united and formed a gang saying “this is against our ethics, culture, morals” huhhhhhhh and the same so called “politicians” went all the way to South Africa to be there for the final IPL ceremony and enjoyed the cheer leaders. What ethics are they talking about? Are these the rules only for the local people? I can think of so many incidents like “Pink chaddi” campaign against “Ram Sena” regarding the ban of females in the pubs. Come on man, we are supposed to be “democratic and free”, for your information plus we have some fundamental rights somewhere in our constitution.

Paradise gone HELL!!!

Born in the most beautiful place on earth “Kashmir” (not any more though). Spend my best years there growing up with cousins in a very long joint family. Our house was surrounded by huge gardens, and it provided us with a lot of place to run around and play. Having fruits and vegetables straight off the ground was an everyday practice. Playing all day or till dad came back from office. Mom used to surprise us with some candies she bought on the way back from office. And talk about festivals..wow.. it used to be fun. Long preparations and very long pujas (all night) on the occasions of Shivratri and diwali was a delight so was eid and big muslim feasts. I have loved all, whether it was sweet sevaiyya or awesome mutton dishes. Our weekend trips to temples and trekking with dad, his jokes and pranks, it was awesome. Going to school used to be fun; we left for school at 9 and were back by 4. My grandmother used to wait at the school gate for us and we used to come with her jumping and troubling all the way. I still remember her bed time stories as I always slept with her in her cozy bed. Every day she used to tell us stories of lord Rama and Krishna till we slept. And she used to keep checking the quilt over us all night; I used to wonder whether she ever slept at night. I was her favorite granddaughter; she has loved me more than anyone else in the family. She is our best buddy till date. I can’t imagine a life without her. Life was so much simpler then. Back then, nature and humans were at their best forms, no pollution, no pesticides, no diseases, no fights, no regrets,….absolutely nothing.

As militancy struck Kashmir, I was hardly 5-6 years old. I remember the trauma…. The whole place was a mess. But fun times for us (kids) as there was no schools which meant only playing at home. But it was equally a tough time for the elders in the house. I remember everyone was scared, especially pandits (kashmiri Brahmans), as their existence was questioned. ‘Kill all’- an announcement from the mosque, threats, massacres, blood was all over the place. Whenever the phone rang, our hearts sank, for there must be a bad news. We pandits were ignorant to believe, we no more belonged there. My father kept saying, it’s just a matter of some days, things will pass. It will be normal again and we kept hoping and that hope is still there in our hearts somewhere. I remember the day we left home, in the dead of the night (at 3 am) like thieves with nothing in hand. My father’s very good friend (a muslim) arranged for a taxi and we left home forever. I saw my mother’s eyes filled with tears and my father kept saying we will be back in a week. That desires of going back to our motherland, where our forefathers died, our parents spend their childhood, joys and sorrows are engraved in my heart. I still want to go back to my big house where we all stayed together to relish and relive my childhood.

Most affected people for that generation were the old ones. My grandmother feels so sorry for not living in the legacy she was proud of. Even if we have a whole bungalow to ourselves, where she has stayed for more than 18 years she says “it’s not mine”. It’s difficult to make her explain that we can’t go back, and even if we cud – we won’t, now for sure. A very old wise saying goes “once burnt, twice shy”. I can see the remorse on her face and her sadness in not being in her big house in the valley sipping “kehwa” (kashmiri green tea) with a “kangar” in her lap and singing “aadhar zajatuk konie chu manthar, shivae namah.. om namah shivae………”

I don’t know, if she will ever see it in her lifetime. Many questions come to my mind, but I have no answers. If nature doesn’t question our existence – who are we?